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I passed







I passed

I passed 03/11/2003 01:22 AM

Yeay! It's over. I passed the test with flying colors. (I don't know why colors fly or what that means, but figured that a one-sentence entry is a bit too short.)...




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A month has passed with no news...


A month has passed with no news... 06/22/2005 02:25 AM

Almost exactly a month ago today I sent off a form to an organisation called Traceline to ask them to help me find my father. Three days later I wrote a little post about my uncertainty about what would happen next. Two and a half weeks later, I briefly alluded to the fact that I'd not heard anything yet. A week further on, and we're back to today, and is there any news? Unfortunately, no.

Of course, I honestly don't know what to expect. This process could take a month, it could take two months, it could take six. I think I assumed I'd have heard something by now because the expedited process (where you know their date of birth) is supposed to only take a week. But time just keeps passing with very little to show for it. At the moment I'm going to give them the benefit of the doubt and assume that they're not just torturing me, but give it another month or so and I might rename them in slightly more colourful language.

So how have I been dealing with it? Difficult question. Thanks for asking. I guess the most honest answer would probably that I'm kind of confused about the whole thing. About two weeks ago, in the middle of a particularly stressful time at work, I was in a meeting and my phone rang. The caller's number was withheld. I couldn't answer the phone in the room. I hung up on them. They rang again, so I turned my phone off. They didn't leave a message. After the meeting I started asking all the people I thought who might have called me, but none of them had done. And gradually I started to wonder to myself - who could have been at the other end of the line? Who had I hung up on? What did it mean? What had I done? Had I just lost my chance forever? These thoughts stayed with me for days.

In retrospect, what this situation means is simply that this whole process clearly means an awful lot to me - much much more than I had been expecting. This was probably not a pivotal moment - in fact it was almost certainly a trivial moment - no more or less nerve-wracking that the rest of the month has been. I just momentarily had something in particular I could focus on. Or at least so I tell myself. Patience, Tom. Be patient.

One development that has happened is that I decided to talk to my mother about the whole thing. For some reason, I had decided originally that I was going to do this completely on my own without getting the rest of my family involved. I don't think I can explain why particularly except to say that there are things in the world that I find hard to look at directly and family don't tend to let you keep things in your peripheral vision. There's probably some other stuff going on too - I've wanted independence from my family and from restrictive encompassing structures like families for years as well. This could have been another attempt to assert that. But that's a whole other industrial-sized can of worms that I think I should probably avoid opening right now.

Anyway, I don't think my mother realises how strange and difficult this whole absent father thing is for me, or how much bluster and brashness I've had to cultivate to be even vaguely able to approach it head on. So when I said that I had something that I wanted to tell her (and when I obviously had trouble getting it out), my liberal mother (with so much faith in me, evidently) immediately assumed that I had contracted some fatal gay disease. When I explained instead that I'd decided to look for my father, she seemed totally cool about the whole thing, almost a little surprised that I found the whole thing so emotionally charged. Typically she was also terribly - aggravatingly - efficient about it too. She kept trying to tell me what I should be doing next, even though I repeatedly pointed out that it had taken me twenty odd years to get to this stage and that maybe I wasn't quite ready to treat the whole thing like a crusade quite yet.

I think I finally got through to her when I talked about my biggest concern - that I would find my father only for him to be repulsed by me because I'm gay. I'm not ashamed of being gay - in fact I'm proud of myself for having the nerve to be publically gay and not hiding it. And normally, I'm not terribly interested whether other people have issues with me being gay or not. But with your own father... I don't know... I think I'm looking for him in part to help me understand where I came from and why I am the way I am. He seems to be the closest in the family to sharing my passions and interests. I kind of want him to be proud of what i've accomplished - i don't want to be a let-down or an embarrassment. I certainly don't want to be ahborent to him. I don't want him to find me disgusting. And I have to face the possibility that he might. He's in his sixties. There's no guarantee that he's of a liberal mindset, no way of knowing what his reaction might be at all. It's a concern. It's a big concern.

So what now? I'm in the States. I'm going to conferences. I'm keeping myself busy and thinking about wider and more disparate material. When I get home in a week's time, if there's still no word from Traceline, then I guess I have to ring them up. I need to know what's been happening. I need to know what progress has been made. And in the meantime, I have to hope that if we ever do meet that he's prepared to be non-judgemental and engage with me in some way. What more can I hope for? What more can I do?


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I have similar feelings about the old IBM buckling spring keyboards, the kind that clicked loudly and pushed back sincerely to every keystroke.  It as lively as the Selectric keyboards but better because I didn't get the feeling that keyboard might bolt out the window any minute like I did while using a Seletric typewriter (maybe it was the lack of that electric 'trembling').

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Essentially it looks like two users are working with a pane of glass containing the desktop between them. UNC is developing this technology as part of their research into software to aid in pair programming over a distance. Pretty cool. This is possible on OSX right now, but Windows folks will apparently need to wait for Longhorn for the neccesary support.

Click here to comment on this entry


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What is the future of typing in public?


What is the future of typing in public? 03/06/2004 01:55 AM

ETCon is a conference like no other. This is not because of the quality of the speakers but because of the type of audience it gets and the culture that has self-generated around it. One of the most notable features of the ETCon culture is in the near-permanent and overt use of the laptop during sessions. It is not an exaggeration to say that half the people in the auditoria will have a computer open during a keynote. It's not an exaggeration to say that a significant proportion of those people will be multi-tasking enormously - finding a massive variety of ways of interacting with each other around the main topic of discussion.

There will be an IRC channel - co-occupied by (1) the kind of attendees who can't work at home without having fifty windows open on their computer, the TV on with the sound off and loud trance music pounding into their frontal lobes and (2) those poor unfortunate long-distance virtual hecklers who couldn't get out of work or couldn't afford to participate in person who spend half their time trying to work out what's going on and the other half of their time trying to get someone to ask questions on their behalf.

There will be the SubEthaEdit gang (a group I fear I belong to), whose mission will be to attempt to get the clearest transcription of the event in question and who may or may not require the discipline of writing to help them keep everything in their heads. There are a variety of sub-types of SubEthaEditors, including the blind transcribers, the commenters and the newbies. This year I fell into the role of blind transcriber, by dint of being able to type faster than most people. I hoped that other people would amend the notes around the place, and fix any errors I created, but - on the whole - SubEthaEdit this year for me became more of a broadcast experience.

Then there are the people who are surfing the net, or posting direct to their weblogs, or throwing files between each other over iChat or AIM or who are playing with the subject of the talk in question (cf. Ludicorp's piece on Flickr, are actually trying to finish off their own papers or (as I often think might be the case with Cory Doctorow) paying their bills, organising their next speaking gig and knocking out a draft of their latest novel.

All in all then, the experience of ETCon is of a place in which a hell of a lot of people do a hell of a lot of typing.

At ETCon this year, Cory Doctorow did a piece on e-books that I've talked about before. His argument is that e-books can't compete with paper at what paper does best. The DRM'd versions of novels that only allow you to read in a linear fashion - well these aspire to be 'proper' books, but they can't hope to reach that level because of the absence of viscera. E-books simply aren't attractive, engaging, smelly, textural or beautiful objects. This kind of e-book may be portable, but you still can't take it into the bath with you.

But why should e-books be operating only at the level of what paper does best? Why shouldn't they concentrate more on what they can add to the experience. If you give out a plain text version of your novel, then so much more becomes possible that wasn't before - grepping / cutting / selective printing / copy & pasting / running simple scripts against / reading in any platform in any place and at any time / distributing and redistributing. If viewed in this perspective, then the gestalt of the paper book and the e-book is enormously potent. And if you take away the e-book, then the paper book might seem - well, broken.

At ETCon, that's how those of us who are continually backchannelling think the experience of the conference for those without backchannel wifi-enabled social access to the concurrently written-into-existence e-conference must be. Those people who don't engage in the larger conference are having a truncated experience of the event. It's as if they'd decided to walk into a paper with a blindfold on.

I say all of this because I'm aware how odd it can sound. Since my return to the UK I've been to two events - one was ConCon, and there simply weren't enough power-points to allow people to be engaged in any signicant degree of back-channelling. But then the papers were summaries, they were truncations, densely-packed contextualisers that served little purpose other than to inspire questions. ConCon was of a scale where the size and social dynamics of the group meant that back-channelling was simply less necessary. And even here typing went on here and there, unremarked upon, normal.

The other event I've attended was the AIGA UK event at the Design Council where representatives of the BBC spoke. And there a very different dynamic was in place. I was pretty much the only person in the room with an open laptop - trying to take very sparse and occasional notes (given the paucity of power-supplies) - and it became very clear to me very quickly that in a room of roughly 100/150 people, the muffled noise of my very occasional typing was considered to be rude and intrusive. The assumption was that I was doing stuff that was not related to the event concerned, that I was demonstrably not engaging with what was going on and that the open laptop was a direct affront to the spirit of the event. And in the meantime, I wanted to follow up some of the points online, I wanted to explore the issues more fully, I found myself passing my laptop to a neighbour so that he could see what I was thinking about. Much like a book without an e-book, the event seemed a little broken without a backchannel, without wifi. And I seemed to be the only one who noticed.

A couple of years ago I wouldn't have been surprised by this attitude, but after two ETCons it seems vaguely archaic - particularly when surrounded by an apparent fraternity of highly web-literate Londoners. But it's not limited to London - Stewa rt reports going to Infest in Vancouver and discovering an environment in which large numbers of geeks go to a conference and feel absolutely no need to backchannel, no need to have their laptops open, no need to note-take or collaborate or discuss in parallel.

So I wonder to myself which way are we moving. Are we moving more towards a ubiquitous computing presence where laptop note-taking at events and back-channelling are more common than now, where it breaks out of the individual contexts of ETCon and spreads more widely into other geek conferences, discussion-based events or even into work or conversational meetings. Or is this kind of overt back-channelling going to remain the provenance of a very particular clump of conference cultures - perhaps only percolating elsewhere in a more backgrounded, perpetual but less overtly lean-forward kind of way.

In essence what I'm asking is: What is the future of typing in public?

Read the comments


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artima.com/weblogs/viewpost.jsp?thread=85551
track this site | 3 links


"Adding Optional Static Typing to
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Zipkeys lets users quickly, easily and cost-effectively respond to e-mails, customer service requests, and any other repetitive or redundant task. [PRWEB Jun 20, 2005]

Torrent 0.61


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An arcade game with colored tiles.

I passed

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