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The magic of loveThe magic of loveThe magic of love 12/23/2003 05:39 PM It's no secret I've been unbearably cranky and in a funk this holiday season. There are many reasons and none... This is a GrokNews Entry: (what is grok?)The magic of loveGrok Headline matches for The magic of loveMagic Project, the true Magic playingMagic Project, the true Magic playing 11/11/2003 06:54 PM MagicProject 0.3 released ! Are You a Perpetual Bad Relationship
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 The
Idea: Author
Laura Kipnis argues that monogamy is unnatural and unhealthy, and
possibly complicit in our emotional detachment from political life and
our ecosystem as well.Laura Kipnis, despite the title of of her 200-page "polemic", is not Against Love. Rather, she's against the trappings, the rules, the rituals that our culture imposes on love relationships. She goes even further -- she sees marriage, the institution, as every bit as repressive, suffocating and unnatural as our mind-numbing employment in modern hierarchical organizations, and draws strong parallels between the slavery of the workplace and the slavery of the matrimonial home. These two canons of civilization: our need and responsibility to devote our daytime hours to meaningless subordinate labour, and our need and responsibility to devote the rest of our hours to boring, stifling and unsatisfying monogamy, work together diabolically to keep us suppressed, and in our 'place' in society. Small wonder, she says, that one of our most enduring conventional wisdoms is that "a good marriage takes work". If this protestation against the rigours of monogamy, fidelity and marriage-slavery as the complement to wage-slavery sounds familiar, it's because it's very similar to the argument that Glenn Parton made in his essay posted first on these pages last year entitled "Love Politics". Glenn's argument is that we have become so emotionally numbed by our twin bondage to job and marriage that it has made our hearts cold and hard, uncaring of the plight of our planet and of others, and that this is a direct cause of the destruction of our world. "If I'm miserable, why should I care about anyone else?" Dare to love more than one person, he suggests, and the shackles of this self-imposed imprisonment are broken, and the inrush of emotion will shock us into awareness of, and eagerness to heal, the massive emotional and physical illness of our entire planet. Why should we, why do we subject ourselves to this one-love-partner-slavery as easily and as passively as we do to wage-slavery? This is the subject of much of Ms. Kipnis' book. Her prose is so adept and so powerful I won't attempt to paraphrase her arguments. Here are a few teasers: Is it the persistence of the
work
ethic that ties us to the compassionate couple and its workaday
regimes, or is it the ethos of compassionate coupledom that ties us to
sould-deadening work regimes...Resenting the boss? Feeling bored or
overworked or dissatisfied? Getting complaints about your attitude?
Whether it's "on the relationship" or "on the job" get yourself right
to the therapist's office, pronto. There are only two possible
diagnoses for all such modern ailments: it's going to be either
"intimacy issues" or "authority issues". You'll soon discover that the
disease doubles as the prescription at this clinic: You're just going
to have to "work harder on yourself"...
Take the modern consumer. Clearly, routing desire into consumption would be necessary to sustain a consumer society -- a citizenry who fucked in lieu of shopping would soon bring the entire economy grinding to a standstill. Or better still, take the modern depressive. What a boon to both the modern pharmaceutical and the social-harmony industries that such a social type would be. These are merely hypotheticals of course, since it's not as if we live in a society of consumers and depressives, or as if the best strategy for the latter weren't widely held to be strategically indulging in the former -- "retail therapy"...Love's proper denouement, matrimony, is also of course the social form regulated by the state, which refashions itself as a benevolent pharmacist, doling out the addictive substance in licensed doses...What about re-envisioning [marriage] or... insisting that social resources and privileges not be allocated on the basis of marital status? No. let's demand regulation! Not that it's easy to re-envision anything when these intersections of love and acquiescence are the very backbone of the modern self, when every iota of self-worth and identity hinge on them...Domestic coupledom is the boot camp for compliant citizenship, a training ground for gluey resignation and immobility... Ms. Kipnis suggests the same lack of innovation that permeates the workplace in the 21st century also permeates domestic institutions: Different social norms could
entail something entirely different: yearly renewable contracts for
example. And if we weren't so emotionally yoked to the social forms
we've inherited that trying to envision different ways of having a
love
life seems intellectually impossible and even absurd, who knows what
other options might present themselves?...It behooves [our] society to
convince its citizenry that wanting change means personal failure,
starting over is shameful, and wanting more satisfaction than you have
is illegitimate...As love has increasingly become the center of all
emotional expression in the modern imagination -- the quantity without
which life seems forlorn -- anxiety about obtaining it in sufficient
quantities and for sufficient duration has increased to the point that
that anxiety suffuses the population, and most of our cultural
forms...Uncoupling [then] can only be experienced as ego-crushing
crisis and inadequacy...[and] the grief of failed love is exacerbated
by inevitable feelings of personal failure...
Much of the latter part of the book is focused on the psychological
gymnastics of all three (or more) parties in the polygon of adultery,
from the rationalization that hiding the affair is to protect the
feelings of the cuckold, to the feelings of self-hatred and
self-flagellation of the 'sinner(s)'. She also discusses the awkward
mechanics of the ultimate break-up of either the marriage or the
affair
(or both), and the degree to which children of the relationship become
hostages, or excuses for deception, or excuses for the boredom that
gave rise to the deception. Of course the book also talks about famous
infidelities in high political circles, and the twisted hypocrisy of
conservatives' opposition to same-sex marriage, as well as the
equal-opportunity-for-misery desire of lesbians and gays to gain
access
to the sad and repressive regulation of 'official' marriage rather
than
'settling for' merely the legal and resource rights that come with
equivalent-to-married status. And there's also a discussion of the
pragmatic phenomenon of "serial monogamy" -- the fall-back that
there's
nothing wrong with marriage per
se, it's just that we were all married to the wrong person. All of this is complicated (even more) by the emergence of the Two-Income Trap, which imposes a financial prison on top of the emotional one in marriage. We have to stay together because we can't afford to live apart. I am convinced that this one factor is overwhelmingly responsible for keeping the rate of divorce from reaching astronomical levels. It is also probably helpful in keeping birth rates in the West below replacement levels -- Not only can we not afford children, we certainly don't want any (or any more) with the spouse we're economically shackled to. And having one with the secret love is just too messy. In my recent article predicting a baby boom, perhaps I underestimated the sheer perverseness of a socioeconomic system that not only makes parenthood financially reckless, it also suppresses fertility rates by its expressed moral repugnance for having a child by someone other than your boring spouse. A lot of people, some of their own free will, and many more who have been pushed, have recently broken free of wage slavery and are now working, mostly for much less income, for themselves. That's probably a good thing in many ways -- it reduces the supply of the remaining wage slaves, which might actually, in time, allow them to bargain from a position of at least a bit of power. It increases self-sufficiency. It reduces excessive consumption. What if there were a similar revolution against marriage slavery? What if a whole generation just refused to define themselves (in more ways than one) as married, or to live with the constraints of monogamy, and instead opted for a polyamory life-style? Paternity 'rights' and responsibilities would both probably suffer, as the new family unit would be a woman (or possibly, and more logically, a group of women, in self-selected community) and their children. They would have the power, and could strike whatever contract they chose with males who wanted the responsibilities and privileges of fatherhood. The nuclear family and the 'single-family dwelling' would disappear. Conjugal relations would not attach to parental responsibility, and could be negotiated between any two people as individuals on a one-shot basis, with no responsibility other than the responsibility to prevent unwanted pregnancy and disease. This would probably be bad for the oldest profession, as the supply/demand ratio for quick couplings would soar. Jealousy and the consequent domestic violence that is the scourge of our nuclear spouse-as-property society would, slowly (old habits die hard), disappear. I think the vast majority of men, driven by million-year-old biological imperatives, once they reached a certain age, would choose to attach themselves to one of the matriarchal communities (if so invited), and would do their share to provide for its well-being, in return for the company and sense of purpose that would bring. We are told it takes a village, a community, to raise a child. Perhaps the community is necessary, and sufficient, for far more: To break us all free from both the emotionally numbing subjugation of wage-slavery and the misery and boredom of marriage-slavery. The community would then become truly self-sufficient in every respect, and we would be happier and freer than we can, or dare, imagine. Cartoon: By Peter Steiner from The New Yorker, in the Cartoon Bank |
When I need an alternate place to work, I head for the local college
library. The armchairs are comfortable, the WiFi is fast. As a bonus,
I get to raid the new books shelf. Today's catch, Signor
Marconi's Magic Box, put my twenty-first-century smugness into
perspective:
...I finally got around to reading Cory Doctorow's novella, "Down and Out in the Magic Kingdom." It's quite good, and he's got it posted for free on his Web site (in no less than 17 different formats). You may know Doctorow know from Boing Boing fame.
If you've been to the Magic Kingdom at Walt Disney World in Orlando, the book will mean more to you because it revolves around the park. It's set in a future where bodies are cloned and if you die, you just restore a clone from backup. Consequently, you lose everything since your last backup. I have to admit that I'll never look at backups quite the same way again.
Another central concept (borrowed from blogrolls, perhaps), is "Whuffie." There is no money in this world, everything is bought by reputation. The more people like you, the more Whuffie you have, the more power you have. When you meet someone new, you "ping their Whuffie," to see if they're worth your time.
The actual plot revolves around The Haunted Mansion at the Magic Kingdom and the "ad hoc" political groups that have formed to manage them like little countries. The group managing the Hall of Presidents has designs on taking over The Haunted Mansion. Intrigue ensues.
It's short — you can put it away in a couple of hours. It's winning some great sci-fi awards as well. Worth checking out.
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Here's a photo James Hong shot at PC Forum. As James describes
it:
I HAD to take a picture of this potentially
historic moment.. Kim Cameron (Microsoft) and Mitchell Baker (Mozilla)
discussing the possibility of cooperating on Open Identity!! Do it
guys!! It'll change the world and make the Net feel safe again.
Craig Burton has his own version of the story.....
Doc Searls arranged a meeting yesterday beween Mitchell Baker and Kim Cameron to discuss the possibility of Mozilla supporting Kim's Open Identity System. Since the meeting was at the PC Forum, and I live in Scottsdale, I was lucky enough to be sitting at the table during the event. It was so cool when Mitchell groked what Kim was proposing.Of course she didn't make any commitments, but it was obvious that her wheels were turning. I think history was made. Wouldn't it be cool if Firefox supported Kim's Open Identity System, It felt like a real magic moment.
If I were Mozilla, I would jump all over it!
Later: James Hong was also there and took a photo of the moment. He posted the uri in the comments but I thought it should be up front. Thanks James!
If you're wondering about the power of podcasting, stay tuned for what's happening to bring identity to the suite of Internet services. (for details on the meaning of that phrase, see Craig Burton's Internet Services Model). Back on December 31, Steve Gillmor convened a Gillmor Gang podcast of a conversation about identity. On the 'cast were Craig, Kim Cameron, Dave Winer, Drummond Reed, Marc Canter, Bryan Field-Elliot, Phil Windley and myself. (For more background on the 'cast, see this post here.) There were so many on the 'cast that it became known as The Gaggle.The conversation continued, to say the least.
So in other words - if you ever wondered whatever happened with FOAFnet and my identity efforts, I've been working the back channels, insider games and politics of the Commons - trying to make sure everyone was talkng to each other.
Our own solution is Sxip Networks - but anyone should be able to use their own solution, and plug into a 'identity backplane' that.....
OOoppps - we're still not ready to announce - yet. Stay tuned till DIDW in May. It'll be big.
The only bummer was that Dave Winer wasn't there. His concerns on Microsoft drove us to create this 'bottoms up' effort. Clearly MS will worry about the top-down ramifications of their actions, but 'we're' helping them - from the bottom up.
Maybe Dave can come to DIDW this
year?
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Bruce Schneier has written an interesting article discussing the accusation of Ahmed Chalabi of informing Iran that the US had broken its codes and when Iran knew that the NSA was cracking their codes. He digs into the history of Crypto AG, the NSA and Iran. He links to an article about Hans Buehler, the Crypto AG salesman who was arrested by Iran in 1992 on suspicion that Crypto AG had installed back doors in its encryption machines. There is no conclusion, but this story reminds me of Crytonomicon and the interesting world of information, misinformation and spying.
"If i'm not mistaken, this handheld electronic toy -- Scannerz Commander -- uses everyday bar codes as inputs to create a tribe of monsters for the user to play with/against. If that's right, very inventive toy..."Link
However that's not the way I would want to write financial code nowadays. With the relational databases we now use, I'm more likely to throw an exception and perform a database rollback in the exception handler. I think that database advances with commit/rollback make resource cleanup sufficiently trivial for us to use generic exceptions.
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