Are You a Perpetual Bad Relationship Magnet? Nobody's Unlucky in Love: Learning Core Causes for Lousy Love Relationships

Grok Headline matches for Are You a Perpetual Bad Relationship Magnet? Nobody's Unlucky in Love: Learning Core Causes for Lousy Love Relationships

PHP is a love-hate relationship

PHP is a love-hate relationship 12/11/2002 01:14 PM
Just visited loudthinking.com and David Hansson (who believe or not appears to be a PHP supporter) wrote:

> Specifically, PHP is sorely lacking in mature and widely applied 
> MVC frameworks, persistence abstractions, IDEs, testing suites, 
> and enterprise solutions. 

Frankly I come from the neanderthal era of computing, before the world-wide web, and I can say that many of the modern java solutions are just a methodology, and not a collection of universal "best-practices".

1. There exist MVC frameworks for PHP such as Phrame. This concept is nice, but i don't use MVC - it's just one way of doing things advocated by Smalltalk consultants turned Java advocates. There are other effective ways to control viewing permissions, including setting directory permissions or using session variables and databases. The key thing is to separate business logic and presentation. It becomes easy to manage permissions after this separation.

2. Persistence abstractions are also superficially nice, and I have implemented them in C and C++ using my own database schema and also using MFC serialization methods. Looking back at my past experience, they were a waste of time because of the overhead of the mapping layer (whether in C or PHP), and remapping when the data dictionary changed. However because virtually every modern OOP book discusses it, it looks really cool. The biggest headaches with persistent abstractions are (1) most dataset manipulation tasks are best done using SQL, not in objects and (2) problems with serialization and data migration (see Martin Fowler's interview). When you upgrade your objects, the serialization breaks. With PHP arrays (or Java Dictionary's) retrieved from an SQL statement, we don't have such issues. There are still some cases when persistent objects are better. One example is when you have a low-level datastore such as sleepycat's BDB, where PHP (or Java) objects provide a richer interface than the primitive database.

3. IDE's. I totally agree here. My two main gripes are (1) everytime i upgrade PHP (which is often as I have to test my PHP software on different PHP versions), I have to upgrade the Debugger/Zend Optimizer/etc, and (2) that refactoring tools are pretty poor in the PHP world. Most of the time, I just use homesite's regular expression replace, and CVS to undo any mistakes :-(

4. Testing suites. If you mean formal methods such as JUnit, then PEAR's PHPUnit is pretty good.

5. Enterprise solutions. I agree that PHP cannot be used for every part of an web-based enterprise solution. But for any type of coding that does not involve low-level work or intensive database processing, it's pretty good. In general, we find that we can use PHP for about 60-70% of our enterprise work. Our staff would have preferred to code 100% of our web-applications in PHP (it's so beautifully easy), but some things cannot be done in a 4GL.

"zeldman.kiss"

PHP: A love and hate relationship

PHP: A love and hate relationship 12/11/2002 05:20 PM
It so happens that every once in a while I get really annoyed with PHP. Like, for example, right now. I got myself worked up and now I am ready to pour my frustrations out. But let me clarify. I am not annoyed with PHP itself, rather it is the community that gets up my nerves. Please read on and I will be happy to explain .

E-mail the love hate relationship

E-mail the love hate relationship 04/19/2004 11:05 AM
I get out at bed at 5am and usually sit down at the computer to check my e-mail immediately. Being...

Cellular/Wi-Fi Love Hate Relationship

Cellular/Wi-Fi Love Hate Relationship 08/23/2004 12:23 PM
Another limited combined Wi-Fi/cellular offering hits the market, this time from DoCoMo: Like the other services introduced to date, this one has its limitations. Users will be able to make voice over Wi-Fi calls but only in their offices and only if their office has a special server from NEC. Voice over Wi-Fi won't be available outside of the office, even on DoCoMo hotspots. It sounds like even data over Wi-Fi will only be available on hotspots built specially for the device. It's a combination of technical shortcomings and uncertainty about how to make the best of Wi-Fi that is preventing cellular operators from offering seamless combined services. Ultimately, the cellular operators will have to make combined offerings because Wi-Fi is popping up in more places and customers want the high-speed access. Cellular operators may lose some potential data use to Wi-Fi, but realistically, the cellular networks cover so much ground that they'll still get their share of the market. The same goes for voice over Wi-Fi services, which are more of a threat to the local phone companies than the cell phone operators. Voice over Wi-Fi phones won't be terribly useful as mobile phones but they'll be great for the office or the home. The cellular operators are notoriously slow at picking up new technologies so it would be no surprise if it takes a very long time to see a usefully integrated, full-function combined offering....

The Playlist: My Love/Hate Relationship
With iTunes

The Playlist: My Love/Hate Relationship
With iTunes 12/20/2003 03:56 AM
An in-depth look at the greatest, coolest, most insanely frustrating media player out there and the store behind it. By Eric Dahl (PC World via MyAppleMenu)

Learning To Love The Dead Zones

Learning To Love The Dead Zones 06/11/2004 03:43 AM
People like to complain about wireless dead zones all the time, but for all the talk of ubiquitous wireless connections, there's something to be said for dead zones that keep you disconnected. While it does seem to make some people angry, there's something oddly refreshing about being forced out of contact for a while. The article linked above suggests that companies and schools will specifically build deadzones - but there's really no evidence that's true. In fact, everything suggests the opposite - where everyone will be connected everywhere they go. Of course, there's a simple solution if you need a deadzone: turn off your wireless devices or just leave them somewhere else.

How the world is learning to love ICANN

How the world is learning to love ICANN 07/08/2004 08:51 AM
As ICANN learns to play fair with redelegations

Boys love games, girls love ringtones

Boys love games, girls love ringtones 06/02/2004 10:08 AM
But neither gives a hoot for 3G

Chris Abraham: Liberals Find Mad Love at
Act For Love

Chris Abraham: Liberals Find Mad Love at
Act For Love 06/22/2005 02:45 AM
Liberals Find Mad Love at Act For Love .. Permalink

chrisabraham.com/2005/06/liberals_find_m.html
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"Wait... they don't love you like I love
you" [sorry, got stuck in my head]

"Wait... they don't love you like I love
you" [sorry, got stuck in my head] 03/25/2005 04:09 PM
Social Explorer. "Social Explorer is dedicated to providing demographic information in an easily understood format, data maps. We serve hundreds of interactive data maps of United States. Here, you can visually analyze and understand the demography of the U.S., explore your neighborhood and learn about the people that live around you."

Love Macs? Then Learn To Love Macsurfer

Love Macs? Then Learn To Love Macsurfer 05/19/2004 08:55 AM
It does a bang up job of providing the Apple community with interesting reads day in day out. By Hadley Stern, O'Reilly Network (via MyAppleMenu)

I love women...no, wait, apparently I
love men

I love women...no, wait, apparently I
love men 01/04/2004 04:59 AM
mirror.co.uk

mirror.co.uk/news/allnews/content_objectid=13773600_met hod=full_siteid=50143_headline=-WO-IS-ME--name_page.html
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The Irish Have a New Jackass: If You
Like Dumb, Stupid and Funny Stuff, Then
You Will Love This New Site From a Group
of Crazy Mental Irish guys Who Just Love
to Party

The Irish Have a New Jackass: If You
Like Dumb, Stupid and Funny Stuff, Then
You Will Love This New Site From a Group
of Crazy Mental Irish guys Who Just Love
to Party 03/22/2005 04:47 PM
The Americans have Jackass while the Irish have the Crazy mental team. These guys film all their stupid and funny stuff for our enjoyment, from driving a Ferrari 355 at breakneck speeds around the Hollywood hills in Los Angeles to drilling a hole in one of their arms with a hammer drill, these guys are really crazy. [PRWEB Mar 21, 2005]

Against Love: Love Politics Revisited

Against Love: Love Politics Revisited 03/22/2005 04:54 PM

The Idea: Author Laura Kipnis argues that monogamy is unnatural and unhealthy, and possibly complicit in our emotional detachment from political life and our ecosystem as well. Laura Kipnis, despite the title of of her 200-page "polemic", is not Against Love. Rather, she's against the trappings, the rules, the rituals that our culture imposes on love relationships. She goes even further -- she sees marriage, the institution, as every bit as repressive, suffocating and unnatural as our mind-numbing employment in modern hierarchical organizations, and draws strong parallels between the slavery of the workplace and the slavery of the matrimonial home. These two canons of civilization: our need and responsibility to devote our daytime hours to meaningless subordinate labour, and our need and responsibility to devote the rest of our hours to boring, stifling and unsatisfying monogamy, work together diabolically to keep us suppressed, and in our 'place' in society. Small wonder, she says, that one of our most enduring conventional wisdoms is that "a good marriage takes work". If this protestation against the rigours of monogamy, fidelity and marriage-slavery as the complement to wage-slavery sounds familiar, it's because it's very similar to the argument that Glenn Parton made in his essay posted first on these pages last year entitled "Love Politics". Glenn's argument is that we have become so emotionally numbed by our twin bondage to job and marriage that it has made our hearts cold and hard, uncaring of the plight of our planet and of others, and that this is a direct cause of the destruction of our world. "If I'm miserable, why should I care about anyone else?" Dare to love more than one person, he suggests, and the shackles of this self-imposed imprisonment are broken, and the inrush of emotion will shock us into awareness of, and eagerness to heal, the massive emotional and physical illness of our entire planet. Why should we, why do we subject ourselves to this one-love-partner-slavery as easily and as passively as we do to wage-slavery? This is the subject of much of Ms. Kipnis' book. Her prose is so adept and so powerful I won't attempt to paraphrase her arguments. Here are a few teasers: Is it the persistence of the work ethic that ties us to the compassionate couple and its workaday regimes, or is it the ethos of compassionate coupledom that ties us to sould-deadening work regimes...Resenting the boss? Feeling bored or overworked or dissatisfied? Getting complaints about your attitude? Whether it's "on the relationship" or "on the job" get yourself right to the therapist's office, pronto. There are only two possible diagnoses for all such modern ailments: it's going to be either "intimacy issues" or "authority issues". You'll soon discover that the disease doubles as the prescription at this clinic: You're just going to have to "work harder on yourself"... Take the modern consumer. Clearly, routing desire into consumption would be necessary to sustain a consumer society -- a citizenry who fucked in lieu of shopping would soon bring the entire economy grinding to a standstill. Or better still, take the modern depressive. What a boon to both the modern pharmaceutical and the social-harmony industries that such a social type would be. These are merely hypotheticals of course, since it's not as if we live in a society of consumers and depressives, or as if the best strategy for the latter weren't widely held to be strategically indulging in the former -- "retail therapy"...Love's proper denouement, matrimony, is also of course the social form regulated by the state, which refashions itself as a benevolent pharmacist, doling out the addictive substance in licensed doses...What about re-envisioning [marriage] or... insisting that social resources and privileges not be allocated on the basis of marital status? No. let's demand regulation! Not that it's easy to re-envision anything when these intersections of love and acquiescence are the very backbone of the modern self, when every iota of self-worth and identity hinge on them...Domestic coupledom is the boot camp for compliant citizenship, a training ground for gluey resignation and immobility... Ms. Kipnis suggests the same lack of innovation that permeates the workplace in the 21st century also permeates domestic institutions: Different social norms could entail something entirely different: yearly renewable contracts for example. And if we weren't so emotionally yoked to the social forms we've inherited that trying to envision different ways of having a love life seems intellectually impossible and even absurd, who knows what other options might present themselves?...It behooves [our] society to convince its citizenry that wanting change means personal failure, starting over is shameful, and wanting more satisfaction than you have is illegitimate...As love has increasingly become the center of all emotional expression in the modern imagination -- the quantity without which life seems forlorn -- anxiety about obtaining it in sufficient quantities and for sufficient duration has increased to the point that that anxiety suffuses the population, and most of our cultural forms...Uncoupling [then] can only be experienced as ego-crushing crisis and inadequacy...[and] the grief of failed love is exacerbated by inevitable feelings of personal failure... Much of the latter part of the book is focused on the psychological gymnastics of all three (or more) parties in the polygon of adultery, from the rationalization that hiding the affair is to protect the feelings of the cuckold, to the feelings of self-hatred and self-flagellation of the 'sinner(s)'. She also discusses the awkward mechanics of the ultimate break-up of either the marriage or the affair (or both), and the degree to which children of the relationship become hostages, or excuses for deception, or excuses for the boredom that gave rise to the deception. Of course the book also talks about famous infidelities in high political circles, and the twisted hypocrisy of conservatives' opposition to same-sex marriage, as well as the equal-opportunity-for-misery desire of lesbians and gays to gain access to the sad and repressive regulation of 'official' marriage rather than 'settling for' merely the legal and resource rights that come with equivalent-to-married status. And there's also a discussion of the pragmatic phenomenon of "serial monogamy" -- the fall-back that there's nothing wrong with marriage per se, it's just that we were all married to the wrong person. All of this is complicated (even more) by the emergence of the Two-Income Trap, which imposes a financial prison on top of the emotional one in marriage. We have to stay together because we can't afford to live apart. I am convinced that this one factor is overwhelmingly responsible for keeping the rate of divorce from reaching astronomical levels. It is also probably helpful in keeping birth rates in the West below replacement levels -- Not only can we not afford children, we certainly don't want any (or any more) with the spouse we're economically shackled to. And having one with the secret love is just too messy. In my recent article predicting a baby boom, perhaps I underestimated the sheer perverseness of a socioeconomic system that not only makes parenthood financially reckless, it also suppresses fertility rates by its expressed moral repugnance for having a child by someone other than your boring spouse. A lot of people, some of their own free will, and many more who have been pushed, have recently broken free of wage slavery and are now working, mostly for much less income, for themselves. That's probably a good thing in many ways -- it reduces the supply of the remaining wage slaves, which might actually, in time, allow them to bargain from a position of at least a bit of power. It increases self-sufficiency. It reduces excessive consumption. What if there were a similar revolution against marriage slavery? What if a whole generation just refused to define themselves (in more ways than one) as married, or to live with the constraints of monogamy, and instead opted for a polyamory life-style? Paternity 'rights' and responsibilities would both probably suffer, as the new family unit would be a woman (or possibly, and more logically, a group of women, in self-selected community) and their children. They would have the power, and could strike whatever contract they chose with males who wanted the responsibilities and privileges of fatherhood. The nuclear family and the 'single-family dwelling' would disappear. Conjugal relations would not attach to parental responsibility, and could be negotiated between any two people as individuals on a one-shot basis, with no responsibility other than the responsibility to prevent unwanted pregnancy and disease. This would probably be bad for the oldest profession, as the supply/demand ratio for quick couplings would soar. Jealousy and the consequent domestic violence that is the scourge of our nuclear spouse-as-property society would, slowly (old habits die hard), disappear. I think the vast majority of men, driven by million-year-old biological imperatives, once they reached a certain age, would choose to attach themselves to one of the matriarchal communities (if so invited), and would do their share to provide for its well-being, in return for the company and sense of purpose that would bring. We are told it takes a village, a community, to raise a child. Perhaps the community is necessary, and sufficient, for far more: To break us all free from both the emotionally numbing subjugation of wage-slavery and the misery and boredom of marriage-slavery. The community would then become truly self-sufficient in every respect, and we would be happier and freer than we can, or dare, imagine. Cartoon: By Peter Steiner from The New Yorker, in the Cartoon Bank

Reads, Chortles, & Smirks - Why
nobody's learning anything from Lynne
Truss. By Timothy Noah

Reads, Chortles, & Smirks - Why
nobody's learning anything from Lynne
Truss. By Timothy Noah 06/23/2004 04:28 AM
Reads, Chortles, & Smirks: why nobody's learning anything from Eats, Shoots & Leaves .. more» .. more

slate.msn.com/id/2102421
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Relationships Over Transactions, A
Learning from the Bubble

Relationships Over Transactions, A
Learning from the Bubble 03/14/2005 06:25 PM
This post is part of Om Malik's bubble-a-thon. Five years ago, I was the President and co-founder of a B2B Exchange with a $1B market cap. Seems right on the 5th anniversary of the bubble to revisit the rational...

I love Ferrari stuff. Got all stuff from
cap/jackets/T-shirts etc. Would love to
go for Ferrari Laptop. What's

I love Ferrari stuff. Got all stuff from
cap/jackets/T-shirts etc. Would love to
go for Ferrari Laptop. What's 07/14/2004 08:09 AM
TechTree Jul 14 2004 12:21PM GMT

MAGNET WINDOW (free): Attaches any
Windows like a magnet to anything else
on your desktop

MAGNET WINDOW (free): Attaches any
Windows like a magnet to anything else
on your desktop 03/13/2003 10:26 AM

How a Core Relationship Strategy Can
Help You Increase Profits

How a Core Relationship Strategy Can
Help You Increase Profits 01/04/2005 04:16 AM
WebmasterBase Jan 4 2005 8:34AM GMT

Glowan Consulting Announces “The
Collaborative Advantage” - Innovative
approach to building collaborative
relationships compliments L3 Leadership
Learning Program

Glowan Consulting Announces “The
Collaborative Advantage” - Innovative
approach to building collaborative
relationships compliments L3 Leadership
Learning Program 04/18/2005 03:54 AM
The Glowan Consulting Group has introduced another innovative concept in Leadership Development called “The Collaborative Advantage”. Pairs of individuals attend and work with each other and members of the group to develop skills, behaviors and action plans for improving collaboration. Offering real time relationship building processes combined with an in-depth “Collaborative Assessment”, participants experience the advantages of working together collaboratively to accomplish extraordinary things. [PRWEB Apr 18, 2005]

we love you, yes you.

we love you, yes you. 02/13/2004 10:34 AM
Last minute strategies for Valentine's Day victory! .. these distinctly bent cards .. we love you, yes you .. Fuck Hallmark .. Valentines

youyesyou.com/welove/index.html
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Love, love will keep us together... ; >

Love, love will keep us together... ; > 05/28/2004 09:27 AM
"But they don't know about us, and they've never heard of love..." A Million Love Songs--a new mp3 blog hoping to list them all. Songs stay active for a week, and you can contribute too! So far, they're ranging from Tracey Ullman to Britney to Take That to Eddie Fisher to the Supremes and Abba (send your contributions to: amillionlovesongs@hotmail.com)

La La I still love you...

La La I still love you... 08/07/2004 05:26 PM
As it turns out I don't get to go after all. Have to deal with some stuff here like figure...

"You've got love!"

"You've got love!" 12/10/2003 09:05 PM
AOL launches love.com, its new online dating service based on its popular AIM software

Web Zen: Love Zen

Web Zen: Love Zen 02/13/2004 11:54 AM
(1) the things we do for love
(2) we love cards
(3) i love egg
(4) love calculator
(5) candy heart maker

(6) and the classic...
chaoskitty hearts you web zen home, web zen store, (Thanks, Frank).

I Love the Sun!

I Love the Sun! 12/19/2004 03:45 PM
Today, as an exercise, we will contrast Peter Merholz's ruminations on Konfabulator with the lyrics to Ghostface Killah's feelings about the Sun, as expressed in "The Sun", from Bulletproof Wallets. Ghostface: "Look at the sun so pretty today, it's so bright, it's so smashing". Peterme: "As the description says, 'Simulates...

I love it!

I love it! 12/22/2003 05:23 PM
In other news, I love my Xbox.. Can’t believe I waited so long to get it....

Love me, Love my RSS

Love me, Love my RSS 04/21/2004 11:43 PM
These are so much better than our Amazon ones...! RSS - Top 100 Products RSS - Top 50 Computers RSS - Top 50 Electronics RSS - Top 50 Video Games RSS - Top 50 Movies RSS - Top 50 Music RSS - Top 50 Software RSS - Top 50 Toys RSS - Top 50 Office RSS - Top 50 Photography...

VCs still love ICT the best

VCs still love ICT the best 03/28/2005 10:31 AM
The Star Online Mar 28 2005 1:26PM GMT

The end of love?

The end of love? 07/29/2004 08:24 AM
My husband-to-be has a child, and I'm afraid that if she lives with us it will ruin our relationship.

Looking for Love

Looking for Love 07/16/2004 06:58 PM
Write a Prisoner Offers a unique service. It connects you with your convicted-felon potential solemate. Fun for the whole family (NSFW)

pop (all love)

pop (all love) 06/24/2004 11:23 AM
MP3: Fiona Apple's "Extraordinary Machine," title track off her shelved new album .. Download found here

popwherry.blogspot.com/2004_06_20_popwherry_archive.html#108795 644759303186
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Who Do You Love?

Who Do You Love? 06/12/2004 04:46 AM

tinyurl.com/2qatg
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Love MEE!

Love MEE! 12/02/2003 01:55 AM
Not quite a haxie. But I present the Menu Extra Enabler 1.0.1 Beta. There is nothing super about it. Please...

Love

Love 04/17/2004 08:28 PM
Cat + Rabbit != Love
Flash movie.

RB in love

RB in love 07/08/2004 02:10 PM
RageBoy has fallen in love again. This time with a book. If you read only one book review this year, make it this one. And then Frank Paynter responds, perhaps I should say amplifies, or is it analyzes? And Kalilily gets on a bus with Frank to wonder whether authentic voice cannot be contrived....

I LOve NY

I LOve NY 08/19/2004 11:46 AM

I almost called Anil last night to find an all-night Internet access place. Sure sure - Bryant Park, Union Sq. Battery Park all have free Wifi - but they don't have power.

So I'm currently ensconced at a Starbucks at 66th & 3rd - enjoying the summer hotties, the international place that NYC is - and prepping for tonight's micro-content dinner.

It's at the Grand Sichuan on 9th Ave. between 50-51 at 6:30.

My friend Kenny asked: "What the hell is Micro-content?" and I started to tell him the history of what Jakob Nielson called it, how I define it and some examples of how it's used (I pointed Kenny to Jason Kottke's site.)

We were contacted by the Wikipedia folks yesterday to work on the OpenMedia project. JD's been kicking ass - getting that going.

The FOAF confab programme was finally announced (notice the EU spelling.....) Plaxo is sending somebody and there are a couple of other entities saying they're using FOAF en masse. Can't wait to find out what's up wit dat.

And I'm working on an OpenListings proposal that is gonna rock the house.

Hopefully some peeps can make it tonight. The food is supposedly really spicey hot. Good.

We need that to match the ideas being proselytized.

OB/GYN Love

OB/GYN Love 09/07/2004 12:40 PM
Does your OB/GYN practice his love on you? Apparently Mr. Bush thinks they're unable to do so because of trial lawyers like Mr. Edwards. This is pretty amazing. This is our president. Wow. Dude.

Love Around the Web

Love Around the Web 02/17/2004 02:34 PM
Internet News Feb 17 2004 6:36PM GMT
Grok Description matches for Are You a Perpetual Bad Relationship Magnet? Nobody's Unlucky in Love: Learning Core Causes for Lousy Love Relationships
GrokA matches for Are You a Perpetual Bad Relationship Magnet? Nobody's Unlucky in Love: Learning Core Causes for Lousy Love Relationships

Are You a Perpetual Bad Relationship Magnet? Nobody's Unlucky in Love: Learning Core Causes for Lousy Love Relationships

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