Argument with these rules
instantly revokes your identity as a man. You’re no longer a man and
you’re out of the man club.
It is ok for a Man to cry under the following
circumstances:
When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
After wrecking your boss' car.
One hour, 12 minutes, 37
seconds into "The Crying Game".
When she is using her
teeth.
Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor
party may be legally killed and eaten by his friends.
Unless
he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail
within 12 hours.
If you've known a Man for more than 24
hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry
her.
Moaning about the brand of free beer in a friend's
fridge is forbidden. Complain at will if the temperature is
unsuitable.
No Man shall ever be required to buy a birthday
present for another Man. In fact, even remembering your friend's
birthday is strictly optional.
On a road trip, the strongest
bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
When stumbling
upon other men watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the
game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
It is
permissible to drink a fruity alcopop drink only when you're sunning
on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless
supermodel...and it's free.
Only in situations of moral
and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another Man in the
nuts.
Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
If a Man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see
anything.
Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be
treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the
ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
A Man
in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober
enough to fight.
Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or
the last slice of pizza, but not both - that's just mean.
If
you compliment a Man on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about
his choice of beer.
Never join your girlfriend or wife in
discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending
your response.
Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another Man
while lifting weights:
Yeah, Baby, Push it!
C'mon,
give me one more! Harder!
Another set and we can hit the
showers!
Never talk to a Man in a bathroom unless
you are on equal footing: i.e. Both urinating, both waiting in line,
etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the
conversation you need.
Never allow a telephone conversation
with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her.
Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
The
morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have
carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and
guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about
what a big mistake it was.
There is no reason for guys to
watch Ice Skating or Mens Gymnastics. Ever.
When you are
queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink,
dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not
provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You
are permitted to deny his very existence.
You may exaggerate
any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without recrimination; beyond
that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call 'BULLSHIT'.
(Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable
exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent)
The minimum amount of
time you have to wait for another guy who's running late is 5 minutes.
For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of
hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 babe scale.
Agreeing
to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe that your buddy is trying to
hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your
good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden
to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.
Before dating a
buddy's "ex", you are required to ask his permission and he in return
is required to grant it.
The universal compensation for
buddies who help you move is beer.
A Man must never own a cat
or like his girlfriend's cat.
When your girlfriend/wife
expresses a desire to fix her whiney friend up with your pal, you may
give her the go-ahead only if you'll be able to warn your buddy and
give him time to prepare excuses about joining the priesthood.
If a buddy is out-numbered, out-Manned, or too drunk to fight, you
must jump into the fight. (Exception: If within the last 24 hours
his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good
ass-whoopin", then you may sit back and enjoy.)
If a buddy is
already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join him...too
gay.
Under no circumstances may two men share an
umbrella.
When a buddy is trying to hook up, you may sabotage
him only in a manner that gives you no chance of hooking up
either.
Before allowing a drunken friend to cheat on his
girl, you must attempt one intervention. If he is able to get on his
feet, look you in the eye, and deliver a "FUCK OFF!" You are absolved
of your of responsibility.
ProNet: The Ten Commandments of Freelancing03/25/2005 04:57 AM We're lucky to have lots of Professional Network members who are
freelancers, and for all of you who are out there fending for
yourselves, you'll want to consider The Ten Commandments of
Freelancing. Scott Thigpen's put together an outstanding list...
Ala. Ten Commandments Monument Opens Tour (AP)07/31/2004 03:40 PM AP - The Ten Commandments monument banished from Alabama's state
judicial building began a national tour on the back of a flatbed truck
on Saturday — starting outside the courthouse where the teaching
of evolution was put on trial almost 80 years ago.
FAQ | Ten minus two commandments to help thee love thy computer
"MONTGOMERY, Ala. -- Chief Justice Roy Moore was removed from office Thursday for refusing to obey a federal court order to move his Ten Commandments monument from the rotunda of the state courthouse.
The Alabama Court of the Judiciary unanimously imposed ..."
Argument with these rules
instantly revokes your identity as a man. You’re no longer a man and
you’re out of the man club.